Lessons – C. D'Angelo

Do you remember the TGIF TV shows in the 90s? For some reason, the theme song for Step by Step repeated in my head when I thought of this month’s title. If you watched that show, maybe I just gave you an earworm (sorry, not sorry because it’s a great song!). Well, even though only some of the lyrics make sense for my forthcoming content (see them at the end), my newly released novel is my second time around for publishing a book. June 1 brought The Visitor into reality, and I can’t be happier about how it all turned out, a #1 Amazon bestseller and all! So, I have some lessons to share for any of you readers facing a second time around in your life.

I encountered some hurdles in publishing The Difference last year and guess what…there were some for The Visitor as well. I’m sure there will always be at least a tiny obstacle with each book. These challenges were different than the first time, but I knew—mostly—how to attack them due to experience. I guess you can say I’m a second-year student in the high school of writers. You know how in freshman year you may feel out of sorts, trying to gain footing on solid ground while absorbing new processes and the environment? Then, by sophomore year, you feel more secure, but not quite settled into your stint that requires much more growth. That’s where I’m at with everything in the author world. Instead of learning the basics as I go, I know more of what to expect and know that not everything is an urgent matter. Really, not everything even matters at all. I need to spend my precious energy where it’s necessary while trying to continue to strive for excellence (I try to avoid using the term perfectionist because it’s unachievable, so come with me on my striving for excellence journey.)

Here’s my round 2 lessons:

It will be figured out. Whatever the problem of the moment is, do not worry too much. Someone will have a solution or you will find it yourself.
It doesn’t need to happen today (sometimes). For the most part, issues can wait. Do we want it solved now? Yup. Does it need to be? Usually not. Hint: Ask yourself about need vs want.
It may not be worth my energy and time. I value both of these qualities in my life so if something is too consuming where it isn’t bringing joy or a benefit later on, I need to ask myself if it’s worthwhile. Sometimes that answer is no.
Will this topic/issue matter in a month or even a week? I’m the type of person who wants to be perf- um, strive for excellence, so I have to ask myself this question. I must admit that sometimes I only want something done a certain way because I want it that way. It may be ideal to me, but may not truly matter in the large picture. Which leads me to…
View the whole painting, not the strokes. I love the artist Claude Monet, who was an impressionist who used small dabs of paint to make one picture. When you stare at his work, you can get caught up in every brush stroke, but you won’t enjoy the idea he wanted to convey unless you back up and take in the large view. Ah, the beauty of it.

Well, it’s time for the lyrics from the song that spoke to me so much.

secon-time-around-step-by-step-lyrics-c-dangelo-blog

Let’s take things day by day and be stronger and better this second time around.

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The Visitor is available everywhere now (including Kindle Unlimited)!

the-visitor-c-dangelo-publication-day — Pub Day Pride!

Fiercely independent Mary, a New Age store owner in New Orleans, will lose her business and home to her high school ex-boyfriend and nemesis developer unless she forces herself to accept help from others and to learn trust—including an Italian mystical new customer and her fellow renters.

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If you follow my social media (and I sure hope you do! 😊), you know that I just submitted my first round of line edits back to my publisher. During this process, I started to think about the amount of vulnerability that is needed in the author world, as well as lessons I have already learned. Let’s look at the meaning of the world “vulnerability” before I go any further.

Vulnerability- the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. (Oxford Dictionary)

These words strike me especially strong at this time in the world. They are powerful, anxiety provoking, and just plain scary! What is your reaction? What have you been vulnerable with or are being vulnerable about right now in your life? (Pause for self-reflection, lol…but seriously)

Okay, you’re back. So, I’ve given deep thought to the concept of vulnerability in the past, due to my role as a mental health therapist. I’ve thought about it for my clients and in my own life, but never as much as lately. I’m happy to share some insights here, in hopes you can connect to them for your own benefit. But first, a slight backstory. You know that’s how I work by now!

From the moment I opened myself up to the public as an author, when I started my website and social media platforms in December 2018, I had to get more comfortable with the risk of others’ thoughts, responses, and opinions…risk meaning the possibility of something negative or hurtful. I hoped and thought that most people would be kind souls, but you never know. “Attack” is always possible. That was level one for my vulnerability, in my mind, as I reflect back. It’s a constant threat, as I open up my heart every single time I post something or respond to other people’s posts. Of course, it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Just as the next steps.

Level two came as soon as I sent my first query letter in June 2019. Now, you see, I was not only exposing myself to the public, but specifically to experts in the publishing field. Cue the racing heart and flood of second guessing my work. But I persisted. I had to in order to meet my dream of getting published.

The stakes kept rising with each risk I took; the pitch parties I participated in, the interactions with agents and publishers, going to classes, and joining webinars to build my skills. Every bit was allowing a piece of me to escape, without knowing where the piece would end up. This is wayyyy out of my comfort zone, let me tell you.

But then came the call with my now publisher. Level three was in action. She already knew I had not published books in the past, but during this call she mentioned a popular website I hadn’t heard of, which I told her I didn’t know, and I’ll never forget her response. She commented on me actually being a newbie to the field (not in a rude way at all, more like a “oh yeah” moment). The comment stayed with me because I always want to be known as knowledgeable and intelligent (that’s just a part of my personality). I love to be as prepared as possible for any circumstance, but can’t be, obviously. Also, what stuck with me was that it was okay with her that I was new. It wasn’t an issue at all. In that conversation, nor in future correspondence, did she ever have an issue with my past experience.

From that point on I felt a large increase in comfort with being able to be myself during our work together. The lesson of “honesty is always the best policy” is one I abide by and it was reinforced from the start of my relationship with my publisher. There is always going to be a first time for people. We all have to start somewhere and thank God she is giving me a chance.

The next lesson I learned from the requirement of being vulnerable in the author domain is that my desire to learn works for me and my success. Although I want to know everything I can, I know I don’t. Even if I was one of the experts in this field, I still wouldn’t ever consider myself an expert. I have a mentality that I’m always learning. There is always better and more I can do. I love to learn, as written about in last’s month’s blog, so why would this journey be any different? I know I need to listen to my experts (editor and publisher; also, another lesson) to make my book the best it will be. Otherwise, I may as well have self-published.

As I have read through the editor comments in my manuscript these last two rounds, I always try to keep an open mind. I need to be flexible and be able to ponder other people’s opinions of my writing, in order to make it shine. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I don’t agree, but that is okay. We can have conversations about both of our thoughts and go from there. Sometimes though, it may be that I first don’t agree, think about it more, come back to it at a later point in time, and then see the opinion is correct. Sometimes, even after thinking about it, I come back and still don’t agree, but change the issue anyway, just to see what it would be like. Then, magically, it does work better. Most of the time, the editor is spot on, in fact. It’s not easy to see some things within your own work; you need others. When your art includes your heart, which it always does and yes I rhymed on purpose, it can be difficult to know what can make it better. Even some published books can still be better, I’m sure. The experts are there for a reason, so let them help you. They are on your side. Defensiveness or ego be gone. They won’t get you anywhere, in my opinion.

Maybe the steps are endless in my journey, as I continue to embark on new and exciting aspects in the author world. I know I will be expanding in the future for areas in marketing and such, so there may be a hundred steps of vulnerability. Who knows? What I do know is that as I continue to open my heart and soul, I am becoming a stronger person. This gift is earned and takes time. I’m curious and excited to know all the steps and lessons that are to come in my future as an author.

Tell me if you can relate to being vulnerable at this time and any teachable moments you have had, below in comments. Thanks for reading!

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Tag: Lessons

Second Time Around

Vulnerability: Steps and Lessons